Sirf Tere Liye... Dec 4th, 2019

…………..Muje pata hai, tu call pe kabhi baat nahi karti aur mene kabhi expect bhi nhi kiya, thik hai subka apna apna hota hai. Ek din tune suddenly mujhe call kiya yahi diwali k time pe, tab mein bahar tha aur bilkul bhi expected nahi tha, specially tujhse, haha… aur jab humne baat ki than asusual tere pas hi hello k ilava bolne ko kuch nahi tha, aur mujhe samajh a reha tha ki ab soch rahi hogi ab age aur kya baat karu. Par acha laga. Choti choti bate kitni achi lag jati hai kabhi kabhi.

Wapis aate huwe subha train me, tune mujhe pucha phir pucha tha ki “tuje mujhse pyar to nahi ho gaya”. Mujhe javab pata tha Radhika, but ousk badle mein tujhse pucha “ ki kahi tujhe to mujhse pyar nahi ho gaya?’ tune abhi koi javab nahi diya, bs itna bola tune ki “ kI mukul kuch hai to abi bol de, Ye waqt fir nahi aiga,” age bhi bat hoi thi bar kya bolna and Radhika, is waqt mujhe ache se pata tha meri kya aukat h isiliye meine tere pehle sawal ka jawab nahi de paya tha yar. Aur sach me wo waqt nikal gaya Radhika, nahi aiga na wapis? Aur kahi na KAhi dar bhi lagta tha, ki hamari dosti na kharab ho jaiy.

Ab tak to pata chal gaya hoga, sirf naam aur lock k ilava mein sach me kabhi kuch nahi bhulta, agar kabi mei bolu, ki teri koi baat mujhe yaad nahi, so sidi si baat hai mei wo janpuch k nahi bolna chahta...hahaha…

Meine bhi tuje bola tha, ki chat pe tu ekdum alga h n face to face bilkul alag hai. Tune kaha mujhe pata tha ki tu bhi muje kabhi na kabhi yahi chiz zarur bol dega, shayd tuje bura laga ho tb. Par tune kabhi realize kiya, jb hum akele sath the, chat wali Radhika, n samne wali Radhika me koi farak nahi tha, koi hesitation ya sharam nahi thi tujhe koi mere sath and I just loved it. Mujhe pata hai asli Radhika kaisi hai, to ab chat pe ho ya samne, mere liye ek hi Radhika hai jo mujhse sari bate kr sakti hai. Aur tujhe shayad bura lage meri is baat ka, par mein bolna chahta hu, chat pe ho ya samne, tuje bs kisi k sath open hone me time lagta hai, aur guts nahi h tujhme, ki tuje jo acha lagta hai, jo tu apni khushi k liye karna chahti h, ousk liye bol paiy. Par tu mujhse kucj bhi bol sakti hai, kisi aur k bare mein, ya mere bare mei, ya phir apne bare mein.

Ye sub to ab yadein ban gai h, jitna yaad krege outna hu dubte jaiyge kabhi acha lage ga kabhi bura. Jo ho gaya ab ouse koi bhi badal nahi sakta. Galtiya meine bhi ki hai. Ous k sath meine jo b kiya, guilt hai mere man mein. Aur ek baat btaio tuje, ye bhi meri hi gati hai ki wo ous ladk k sath jo bhi ki, sari sari rat rehna itni jaldi itna sub, tujhe b laga hoga ki ye sahi nahi itni jaldi. Meine bigad diya na ousko. Par tab jo bhi tha hamare bich mei, ouse ache se pta tha, ki haare bich waisa kuch nahi h. Ho gaya moment me, dono se huwa tha mutually tha. Aur thode time bad jab mujhe laga ki bohot galat ho reha hai tb chor diya. Mein chahta to jo marzi kar sakta tha ache se maze le sakta tha. Par mera dil nahi manta. Jo galti se huwa ousk lliye mujhe hamesha feel hota rahega. Par tb sach me acha laga jb wo move on ho gai. Daykh ouska chahe jaisa bhi h ousk sath wo khush hai. Ousne to ab mujhse dosti bhi nahi rakhi, ye mujhe sach me bohot pinch huwa tha, but thik hai jo meine ousk sath kiya ouski saza bhi to milni thi na. Khush hai na yar wo, ousne apni khushi daykhi. Ousne ousk sath moveon kiya na sach mujhe acha laga ousk liye and thoda light heartd b feel huwa. Aur bhi kuch bate hai par bol k koi faida nahi.

Mere man me chahe tre liye jo bhi hai, meine tujhse wapis kabi kuch same expect nahi kiya. Tu muje psand hai to ek bar bhi ye zaruri nahi ki tu bhi same feeling rakhti ho mere liye. Teri bhi life hai rahika, personal choices hai, kuch expectations hogi life se, aur mujhe iss baat ka zara sa bhi bura nahi lagta. Meri life me to kuch interesting hai nahi, life hi kaha rahi hai. Tuje abi bohot kuch daykhna hai zindgi me, apni marji ki life jene hai sapne pure karne hai. Mujhme hai hi kya. Career, family, ghar, paise aur na hi looks. Chota mota sa, ganja hota huwa ek abhi aisi chiz nahi hai ki koi bhi ladki kyo psand karegi.

Jo ho gaya ousk liye hum apne aaj ko, apni dosti ko kharb nahi karte na yar. Mere man me chahe tre liye jo bhi hai, meine tujhse same wapis kabi kuch waisa expect nahi kiya. Meri life me to kuch interesting hai nahi, life hi kaha rahi hai. Tuje abi bohot kuch daykhna hai zindgi me, apni marji ki life jene hai sapne pure karne hai. Mujhme hai hi kya. Career, family, ghar, paise aur na hi looks. Chota mota sa, ganja hota huwa ek abhi aisi chiz nahi hai ki koi bhi ladki kyo psand karegi. Mere sath bs life complicated hi ho sakti hai kisi ki, happy nahi. Tera career just start ho reha hai. Tujhe apne dreams pure karte huwe daykh k na Radhika, mujhe inn sab se zada khushi hogi. Mein tujhe kisi bhi confusion ya complication me nahi dalna chahta, atleast apni wajah se to nahi. Par phir bhi kabhi kuch lage na mere liye, ek bar bata zarur dena, chahe age ho ya na ho, acha lage ga mujhe.

Mujhe apni jagah pata h yar, chill maar, mujhe tujhse kuch nahi chahiye aisa, jis se hamari dosti kharb ho, hum jaise abhi hai khul k baat kar lete hai, fir ek dusre se baat karne me hesitate kare, ya akhen churai. Mujhe acha lagta hai tere sath bate karna, teri bate sun na moka kam milta hai par acha lagta hai, time spent karna waise mat sochna. Aur mujhe pata hai tuje b acha lagta hoga. Sach btana lagta h kya? Mujhe iska jawab bhi nahi chahiye yar. Tune kaha na tujhe mere sath ajibh lagega. Pagal ladki mein sub samajh gaya itne me hi. Tujhe mere sath akele me ajibh nahi lagega. Apne dosto ko bolne me ajibh lgega, kyo, ki mein ousk sath ja rahi hu akele yahi hai na. Tujhe lagta hai wo kya sochegi, piche se kya bole gi, shayad moh pe ya apas me bat na b kare, par man me to soche gi, ki ye kya kar rahi h tu. Pehle jo ladka teri friend ko date kar reha tha, ab ousi k sath akele aise jana. Hai na?… Par yar, kabhi sochna kabhi aram se bayth k shant dimag se. Agar tujhe, ya mujhe kisi se mil k sach me acha lagta hai to kya hu mil nahi sakte apni marzi se. Kissi aur ki soch kyo decide kregi ki hum mile ge ya nahi. Hum dono jante hai na ki hum dono kuch galat karne k liye nahi mil rahe, bs mere liye itna kafi hai.

Aur kabhi moka mile na, kabhi baythe ho tu apni inhi dosto se bate kar rahi ho, wo to tere bhot purane dost hai mujhse b bhot purane, ek dusre ko ache se jante ho. Onhe sub batana aram se. Agar tuje sach me acha lagta hai mere sath, khushi milti ha, to ek bar guts k sath onse share karna. Khud puch lena, agar wo sach me tujhe samajhte hai na, to wo b bole ge jo tere dil me hai, jis chiz se tuje khushi milti hai na yar, wo kar. Believe mei Radhika, ahista ahista zindgi itni taz chalne lagegi. Kab kaise sub kahi door choot jaiyga pata b nahi chale ga. Zindgi bohot choti hai, apni khusi k liye bhi thoda jee le na, jaise mein apne man ki sari bate bata di apni khushi k liye. Aage kya hoga tu khud daykhlena waqt k sath muje to ache se pata hai, par mere man me ye nahi rahega ki aise hi reh gaya sab, mei ouse bata bhi nahi paya.

Aur tu hi nahi  mein bhi tuje mil k kabhi nahi bol pata shayad………………

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Radhika, agar tere man mein kuch hai, ya nahi, tu bolna chahti hai bhiya nahi teri marzi hai. Ek bar bhi ye nahi sochna ki mujhe bura lagega kisi chiz ka. Tu mujhe aise hi achi lagti hai, bs itna bohot hai. Par honestly, kabhi koi aisi feelings ai to bata zarur dena ek bar, age chahe mt badana, acha lage ga jaan k ki mein bhi kissi ko acha lag sakta hoon. Apni life ache se enjoy karna. 

Aur in saab se pehle hum dost hai.