Aisa Bhi Mat Kar... Dec 3rd, 2019,

     Ye to hamesha se pata tha, ki yahi hona hai, pehli bar to hai nahi. Par is baar itna bura q lag reha h yar. Ab tk to adat si ho jani chahiye thi shayad ho b gai h, aur hamari ous rat ki baat k bad mein mentally prepared abi tha is baar, to itna farak nahi pdna chahiye tha, zindgi me to aisa hota hi rehta hai. fir abhi muje bura lag reha hai. Sub aise khatam hona tha kya.

      Hamari ki soch b kitni age tak chali jati h. Shayad akelepan ne aisa kar diya h. Koi family nahi, ek b aisa nahi jo kabi ek bar bs aise hi phone kr k ek br puch le ki kaisa h, kya kar reha hai. Kissi se koi bat nahi, bina kaam k koi nahi puchta ab. Family b nahi rahi jo ghar chala jaya karu. Ous din, acha lag reha tha tha sath sath me, bs yahi galati ho gai shayd. Jab muje ache se pata tha ki jo chiz mujhe ache lagti h, kuch b acha hota h, wo mujhse waise hi door ho jata h, or wahi ho reha hai. Mei hamare bich chize badalte huwe mehsus kar sakta hu, sub hote huwe daykh reha hu, par na kuch bol sakta hu or na kuch kar sakta hu. Kuch kahu b to kaise, kis haq se. Ouse abhi yahi lagta hoga shayd, ya nahi, mujhe pata nahi. Par Kash mein ouse bata pata ki mein abhi bhi wahi khada hu, ousk liye abhi abhi wahi hoon jis se kuch waqt pehle tak sari bate kiya karti thi. Meri taraf se kabhi kuch nahi badla. Bs ouse ek bar pehel hi to karni hai. Mein bhi ousk man ki sari bate jan na chaha hu, agar koi bat hai, ya bura laga to bolti kyo nahi pehle jaise. Yakeen nahi reha kya mujhpe ab.

        Sab meine hi kharb kardiya kya yaar, galti kardi na meine. Hum dost the, sub kitna acha tha, ek dusre k sath acha lagta tha, hai na..!! Muje meri kamiyaa ache se pata h, mein koi bat apne man me nahi rakh sakta, pata sub sach sach bol deta hu, express kar deta hu. Par ek bat btaiou tuje, mein har kisi se subkuch nahi bol pata, aise baat nahi kar pata. Ha tu muje achi lagne lagi thi, aur abhi bhi lagti hai. Mein apne dimag ko sambhal sakta hu, par dil ko koi kaise sambhale. Aur koi baat dil me rakhna, chupa k rakhna ye meri adat nahi mujhse nahi hota. Ek baat btaiou, muje bhi sach me ye lagne laga tha ki tuje bhi mere sath acha lagta h. Bate karte karte kab rat se subha ho jaya karti thi, mein kabhi nahi bhul paiouga ga. Par meine kuch bhi hamari dosti k badle nahi chaha tha yar. Meine sach me sub kharab kar diya na. Hum ache dost the, shayad ab wo b nahi rahe. Aur tujhse abi bohot naraz hu mein, agar tuje b meri koi bate buri lagi, to bs ek bari, ek bari bol deti na muje. Koi ishara hi de deti. Sub kuch to bata diya karti thi, to is bari kyo nahi boli. Mujhe yakeen hai, tere dil me kuch to hoga hi mere liye bhi, mein itna galat abhi nahi ho sakta, aur ye abhi ache se samajhta hu, ki tu mujhse door aaj ki wajah se nahi, bite huwe kal ki wajah se hoi h, pagal ladki inta duffer samajhti hai kya mujhe. Ek bar khul k baat to krti yar mujhse. Sub aise kyo chor diya. Wpis sub waisa nahi ho sakta kya?

            Kitna time ho gaya h, hamara milna nahi hota ab, aur kahi na kahi dar lagta hai ki shayad ab mile bhi na. Whatsapp pe abhi itni baat nahi hoti ab. Busy hai, ache se pata hai, par sach bolu, tujhe shayad galatfehmi, mein itna b duffer nahi hoon. Mujhe sub samajh ata hai yar. Bina bole bhi bohot kuch samajh jata hu, thodi hi sahi par tujhse zada zindgi daykhi hai meine. Bohot kaam hai, phir bhi 5 10 min to nikal sakti hai na, bas chize badal rahi h, mein daykh sakta hoon, feel kar sakta hu yar, bas kuch kar nahi sakta. Aur mein tujhe iss k liye kabhi kuch bolu ga bhi nahi, andar ki baat btaiou, itna confidence hi nahi reha aur shayad dar bhi hai thoda. Tera kabhi baat karne ka man karega toh tu kargei na, kare gi na yar? mein kyo bolu kuch, aur bolne ka haq abhi to nahi reha na ab mere pas. Mujhe ye bhi pata hai, ki ab age kya hoga.

Aur abhi bohot kuch bolna chahta hu, bohot si bate hai dil me jo tuje btana chahta hu. Shayda kabi bol b na paiouga ab, wo waqt ab kabi wapis nahi aiga na yar, na hi bharosa reha hai khud pe ab. Khud se hi oumid nahi rahi, kisi aur se kya karu.

Bs miss karleta hu kabhi kabhi.

             Soch k hasi aati h khud pe kabi kabi, ki saal ab khatam hone ko h. Khud ko daykhta hu to apne aap ko wahi khada daykhta hu jha last yr tha. Shayad ous se b low. Itna akela kabi nahi laga. Kabi itna akela nahi tha. Wo soch ab fir se aane lagi h . Aur kuch to kabi hoga nahi, kash yahi sach ho jaiy, kismat bas ek bar, ek bar sath ded. Waise b sach ho b gya to na kisi ko farak pdega kabi na kisi ko pata b chalega 4 5 din tak.. Yeha bhi Samajh nahi ata ye soch k khush hona chahiye ya dukhi.

        Chal tu kaam karle ab apna, mein to bolta hi rahu ga. Kabhi mile, toh khub bate karege. Sub btaiouga tujhe. Dhayan rakhna aapna. 

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