Her Birthday.

My heart feeling for her, that she never knew and never will. 

Aaj ouska birthday hai. Mahino se hamari baat nahi ho rahi, pata nahi q, par kabi kabi ek aisa time a jata h jb apko pata hota ki is se aage gaiy to jo feeling abi tak chupai v h, ya dabai v h, onhe or rokna mushil ho jaiyga. Shayad issiliye ousne baat krani band krdi, or meine b kuch nahi kaha, or wait krne laga aj k din ka. 15th June. Meine soch rakha tha ab sida birthday pe hi call karuga wish krne k liye or isi bhane se ous se bat b krluga. Meine bohot socha kis time call karu, Wo family k sath rehti h 12 baje celebrate kr rahi hogi ti shayad ache se bat na ho paiy. meine just abi abi rat ko 2 baje cal kiya ki sb so gaiy hone or aram se bat kr saku ga ous se. Pehle meine ouska whatsapp check kiya online kitne baje ai thi last. Its was june 8 2019, more than a week, muje laga no. change ho gaya hoga, kitne time b ho gaya h, na facebook na whatsapp pe ek hi tk b nahi ki to naya no. b q degi.

Kai bar hum apni taraf se zada hi expect karne lagte h. hai na? pehle jab mei ous se bate krta tha, hum zadatar chat hi krte the, apni life or dost k bare me mein ouse btaya krta tha, to wo muje kai bar bolti thi, ki kisi se b itni expectations nahi rakhni chahiye, khud to hi bura lagta h, or muje ouski yahi baat sbse achi lagti thi, or mein hi shayad ous se bate krta krta. Ab pata nahi shayad ousk man me mere liye aisa kuch nahi tha, isiliye bs muje hi aise bolti thi ya fir sach me muje samjhane k liye bolti thi.

Still apni kismat try krne k liye meine ouse call kiya. Meri kismat aksar sath ni deti, but phone ring hone laga. Meine pehli bar ouse aj call kiya tha q k mere pas aj ek bhana tha, is se pehle kabi himat hi nahi hoi, na khud pe itna confidence reha. Kafi dar bad almot hungup krne hi wala tha to ouse pick kr liya.

Mein kuch bola nahi, sach me ek bar to time ruk sa gaya, himat hi nahi hoi. Muje dar tha nahi phone ka kat de to mei finally HELLO bola, n ousne b  HELLO bola. Wo dikhne me bohot sweet se h. hoti hai na cute si jisse bs ek bar daykh k dil bolta h yar, bas or kuch nahi. Or ouski halki si awaaz. Abi ye likhte we b ouski awaz sunai da rahi h, or dhak dhak ho rahi h.

Meine pucha itni aista q bol rahi hai, so rahi thi kya? birthday wale din itni jaldi q so gai. To boli nahi, baki sab so rahe h isiliye aahista bol rahi hu. Meine bola abi to 2 hi baje h, wo b birthday wale din. Celebrate nahi kiya kya. Ouske kaha kiya ghr walo k sath but abi late ho gaya h, to sab so rahe h.

Hamari bohot time se bat nahi hoi to meine pucha, ki kya ho gaya itne time se no facebook ya whats kuch b nahi. Jawab as expected hi tha, muje pta tha  kya bole gi. She said "nahi yar ,phone kharab h bohot time se, thik krwaya fir b nahi huwa  n all and job me b busy hu time b ni milta."

Bate honi bs abi shuru hi hoi thi, ki mere network nahi a rahe the n mari awaz katni lagi, ousne bola muje. Mein samaj gaya bs kismat dokha dene wali h. Mein bhag k kitchen gya window k pas wha strong network ate h, but nahi bat hoi n kat gya. meine dusra phone dhunta apna, bt off tha batry low.

Yeha wha hok network aya fir bat ki, 3-4 min bad, par muje lag hi reha tha ab baat nahi ho paiy gi.

Meine bola awaz a rahi h, ousne kaha ha ab clear a rahi h, mei kuch bolta wo boli. Acha sun mein tuje kal din me call karti hu...abi bht late ho gya h..kal krti hu tuje. Mein soch hi reha tha, bs ye hi last words h, nahi karegi call or karegi b q, mein hu kon. Ousk liye shayad dialy ouse call kr kr k kai ladko me se ek, bas farak itna h ki wo mujhse pehle thoda bat krti thi, jo wo b nahi hoti h.
Or na mein itna smart hu, ya paise wala, na hi famous ki wo mujhse bat krna psand kare.

meine bola ok, tere pas whatsap to hai nahi, to facebook mesenger pe call kr liyo,, wo boli ok,, meine last time happy birthday bola, n than bye.
muje pta h ab phone nahi aiga. pehle  b huwa h kai bar. mei ouska wait karta reha bt phone nahi aya.

apko pata h, meine phone krne se pehle apne man me kitni preprations ki. kinti calls kari man hi man me. kaise bat karu ga ous se.. kaise birthday wish kruga...kis tone me boluga...wo kya boligi for mein kya javab duga, Subkuch man hi man me prepare kar chuka tha mein.

par jab ousne muje bola ki kal bat krte h, or muje ache se pata tha ki wo phone kregi nahi or meri himat hogi nahi, fir b mein chah k b ouse itna nahi bol paya ki bs thodi dar, 2 min hi abi baat krle.
Mein chahta to ouse bol sakta tha, late huwa to kya aj birthday h tera, aj late b baat krsakti h ghr wale ko bol diyo....par nahi bola gaya.

aisa ek bar nahi kahi bar huwa h mere sath. Muje sb kuch ache se pata h, meri aukat kya h, mein kaha stand krta hu life me,,chota mota sa... apne aap ko mana b leta hu....but still kabi kabi dil nahi manta. kya karu. Ouse to shayad pata b nahi hoga ye sab, par mei bolna b nahi chahta. thik hai aise h. ousk like mein wo baki ladko ki trh nahi ban na chahta jo bs aise hi try marte rehte h ouspe..

Sirf mei hi nahi, sb k sath hota h aisa. Kisi na kissi k liye apke dill me aisi feeling hoti hi h. Or jitna b dikhawa krlo, bahar se logo ko jitna b ban k dikha lo, par jab aap kabi akele baythe hote ho to ek bar to apke khayalo me wo aa hi jate h. Aap sochte ho ki shayad hum log aj sath hote to kaisa hota sab.

Ek hai meri life mei b aisi hi, saalo biit gaiy, for b har roz ek khayal ata h, shayd hum sath ho sakte the.

But reality to yahi h, aisa ho nahi sakta na kabi hoga.